Today is NOT Friday - TOL

It has been a while but since I am a lazy blogger I though that linking up for Thinking Out Loud to share my ramblings this week would be a good idea. Lucky you. 

First up, I thought today was Friday until I got a reminder at 7:00am to complete payroll approvals. So there is that. I guess it has been a while since I have worked a 5 day week and my body, and brain, are a little confused. I think I need to use up some more of my 3+ weeks of vacation. 

I would also like to note that I am an idiot. Tuesday when I went to run my Garmin, which was hooked up to the charger, was dead. I pulled it on and off the charger and nothing. I said f it since 5:30am is way too early to deal with those shenanigans and did my speed workout on the treadmill instead. Proceed the next 48 hours through to this morning unplugging and plugging it back in and it remaining dead. Today I had the brilliant idea to change the outlet the usb is in...it is now charging itself. So yup, idiot. 

Which leads me to the fact that I am running a half marathon this weekend. I have been a little mum on the whole thing because I have NO clue what to expect. Thinking my garmin was dead I was contemplating running it blind BUT if it is working that will not happen (because, data). I am stiff this week and legs feel dead and that is with me tapering back mileage and taking TWO rest days leading up (Monday/Friday - race Saturday). It will still be warm out so I know that will slow me down. I would really like to hit 2:05ish. Goal is to get close to 2 this fall (more on deck in October/November) and sub 2 when I run NOLA. 

Oh wait have I not mentioned I am running the New Orleans Rock 'n' Roll half marathon? I am. With Team Challenge! (post for another day too).

Can I also talk about how mentally challenging it is for me to take a rest day? I do not work well with laziness and definite guilt starts to creep in. I know that whole recovery thing but still taking a day off messes with me. Forget taking two off like I am this week. HOW do people not workout? 

On a different and unrelated note, I am starting the countdown to my cruise. It is in December but as I realized the remaining payment is due I got really excited! Hello to sailing the Caribbean! And then another several days in Florida. It is going to be a glorious 2ish week escape of NYC winter! (#alltheexclamationpoints)

And now off to eat my pumpkin oats and drink my pumpkin coffee, because as much as I tried to resist, I want ALL THE PUMPKIN. But never a pumpkin spice latte because those are disgusting. Sorry, not sorry. Hate that sugary stuff. 

Chicago Marathon Recap

I guess it is about time to recap the Chicago Marathon. I have a lot to say and also really nothing much minus it was miserable. Shall attempt to keep this as short as possible.

The weekend started promising. And by promising I mean a few hour flight delay that was kind of annoying. So I wound up getting to Chicago a lot later than anticipated on Friday night.

#allthewaiting

Saturday was spent sleeping in, doing a short shakeout run – side note, it was so gorgeous out and I felt great! – then went to the expo and to try and meet up with some people. Expo was ginormous but well organized and the packet pick up went smoothly. The only annoying part was the shirt, I was totally disappointed (I am not one big on swag in general but NJ, NYC, Hartford, West Palm Beach, Miami have all given great shirts I just expected something similar from a major – they seemed like an afterthought).

SO BIG.

Anyways Saturday night we wound up at a great Italian place Quartino's. Sadly I stuck with plain food all weekend (bagels, turkey sandwiches, bananas, pretzels, blah) and just had margherita pizza and picked cheese off. However when we left my stomach was kind of gurgling. So I ran down the street to 7-11 and said some prayers as I ate tums.

Sunday woke up – on my own thankfully – because I set my alarms to PM instead of AM. Awesome.

Ate a Clif Bar and had some coconut water and then got ready. Going in without any major goals and just planning to run it really did not hit me until that morning that I was running a marathon. I very much had a no pressure no nerves calmness going on.

I knew when I woke that my stomach would probably make me stop a couple times because I couldn’t really “go”. But whatever I am okay with that kind of par for the course.

We got to the start area to check bags probably around 7:20 so by the time I checked my bag I HAD to hop in my corral or else get stuck all the way at the end. Being assigned F at the front of Wave 2 I really did not want to go all the way to the rear, which meant holding it in and not being able to hit the bathroom.

Oh look so pretty!

As we were counting down the minutes to the start, all of a sudden I got REALLY emotional. Like tears and a little crying emotional. I did a total WTF to myself baffled where that came from…but then the gun went off and we were walking to the start! And THEN they played “Born to Run” and some more tears came (and excitement)! A few minutes later we crossed and I was off!

One thing I must say is it was running perfection! couldn't have asked for better weather.

First thoughts = ugh I have to pee. Which meant all I could look out for was the first set of porto-potties. About a mile and a half in they came up and I sprinted to them. Took care of things and then was running back out and SO HAPPY I ran into Emily! And got to chat with her for a few minutes before I told her to go off and chase her sub 4 marathon (and she killed it!).

And after she left was when things started going south. My stomach just never settled. I stopped about for the bathroom shortly after the 5K and it was upset. I was trying to not panic yet but I wasn’t amused. A mile or so later I knew I had to stop yet again.

3 stops by 10K.

I had barely enjoyed a second of the race and pretty much knew I wouldn’t for the remainder.

I started texting my friend Maria to see if she would be at mile 10 for the first stop and thankfully gave me something to look forward to. I was miserable. I was stopping at each stop each mile. I tossed away any time thoughts I was in so much pain.

Basically felt like someone was holding on to my insides and squeezing as hard as they could. I would go to the bathroom run for a bit before knowing I had to walk.

Yes walking began at mile 8. I texted the boy then too and was already saying I was ready to quit. Was texting my sister as well…a marathon is daunting but I knew how terrible it would be feeling this way.

I missed my friends cheering at the first stop but luckily knew they would be around 16/17 which again gave me some motivation.

When I finally saw them I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was miserable. I gave her my Garmin and continued on my way crying. My legs were feeling good to run but I just couldn’t for too long and at this point was losing the will to even try.

I can barely tell you anything about the course. Minus great crowds. The people were fantastic! I tried to take it in but was pretty miserable as my race photos prove:

Does that smile look forced?

I got the text of where they would be cheering again around 23 and was happy to have something to look forward to. I also stopped an helped a man who went down with leg cramps. Helping someone else made me feel like I salvaged some good from the experience.

Also seeing our friends Dad catch up to me who was running his first marathon and rocking it made me happy someone was having a good race! Until mile 20 I wasn’t sure I could or would even finish. It took every ounce of strength to stay on the course. After seeing our cheerleaders the final time I was so ready to just be done. My stomach was doing better (relative I just was incapable of shitting anymore, you’re welcome) and I finally turned on my music and ran as much as I could of the last bit. I have never been so happy to see a hill in my life as I knew that signified finishing this self-imposed hell.

I crossed that finish and I think I may have cried a little I was so happy to be done.

In a personal worst: 5:3x (I honestly do not know my official time I refuse to look but know it is around there) an hour slower than my slowest. And really don’t care.

That race was straight up survival.

I definitely earned this one.

And now I have to do 26.2 twice more this fall. What was I thinking?

My stomach still hasn’t returned to normal. Although I did get through 12 miles over the weekend (didn’t revolt until the second I stopped). But I am hoping that it settles down. And soon. If NYCM is the same I do not think I have the mental strength to repeat that.

So that is my recap. Don’t ask me about where I ran or what I saw. I basically spent 5 ½ hours trying not to shit my pants. A few memories but honestly I didn’t get to enjoy more than maybe 3-4 miles. I will say – AMAZING course support. I would run the race again just because of the ease of it all. Logistics trump NYC by a million in my opinion.

And if one more person tells me a story of how they run through it and I should just try that I will throttle them. You don’t think I TRIED. Sigh. 

Pre Chicago Marathon Ramblings

Okay so apparently fall marathon 1 of 3 is happening on Sunday. When did that happen? I feel like I was waiting forever for it to finally get here and then BAM.

This week I was too preoccupied with the fact that I was sick and then work was crazy to really think much about the actual race itself.

I don’t really feel any pressure to throw down a PR performance. Goal is to finish feeling strong.

I think if the stars align as I line up race day morning that a 4:15-4:20 performance is possible (PR is 4:26). My second to last training run that I did was the NYRR 18 Mile Tune Up + 2 miles to hit 20 and I hit an avg 10:11 pace for that (3 loops of CP hills feeling strong, is confidence boosting) – and most of my long runs I did slooooow as molasses in the 10:30 – 10:45 range so I think a 9:30 pace (which I did a lot of my pace runs at or faster) is in my reach.

However, I have been feeling “off” and been sick.

I skipped my long run this past weekend due to being bed ridden for 3 days. I ran twice this week. Neither felt stellar. I just want a clear head and clear lungs and have OD’d on cold meds and pray for that.

Stomach issues went away for quite some time – however in the past couple weeks things have gotten “messy” again (TMI but lots of blood and cramping it hasn’t been fun) so not sure how it will behave come Sunday morning.

In an effort to see if it would help iron levels I went on BC for the first time ever 3 weeks ago. And I hate it. Like hate with a passion. For someone who doesn’t get any PMS symptoms let’s just say my boobs are larger than ever and hurt (super fun when marathoning) and I’ve had cramps for like 2 weeks. I’m not amused but also in the long run want to straighten out my iron levels and if this will help than I am all in. But know that I have a rocky couple more months ahead of me potentially. But my body just feels off and doesn’t help the whole running thing.

Now that I have overshared…

Basically I did not train for some crazy PR performance, I trained to be able to do the distance. Last year sucked the life out of me and the joy out of running trying to go sub 4.

On one hand I worry that I will be sad if I have my “worst” performance (4:31 or slower) but on the other I know it was not in me to do the work this time around. I loved all of my runs MINUS the long runs this cycle. I had to spend quite some time talking myself out of bed for the majority of them. While I did have a few really great ones once I got out there, I had a few really shit ones. Which is how it goes pretty much in training.

So basically what am I rambling about?

I am hoping that Chicago is a day filled with joy for running.

I hope that I don’t struggle through the race. And I hope that my body doesn’t rebel on me (stomach) and I can ENJOY the experience.

I am hoping that for my first time in Chicago – I have an amazing experience. I have heard so many great things about the city, and hope that it is everything it has been talked up to be!

Here’s to miles of smiles! I’m coming for you Chicago! 

Can I Get a Weekend to Recover From My Weekend?

Going into this past weekend I knew that it was going to be craziness. Part my fault because apparently I hate down time (that is a total outright lie. My favorite weekends are when I have NO obligations!).

If you would like to know everything NOT to do when you have a really long training run to complete (and you know, final one of your cycle – so one you really need as a final confidence boost) then do the direct opposite of everything that I did!

Friday night I had every intention of going home and chilling. Then I somehow wound up at happy hour after work. And then another happy hour after that (I consider anything before dinner happy hour…and I didn’t eat until like 10pm so yes happy hour went from about 5 – 10pm). It is funny how these things just HAPPEN. Good intentions killed.

I woke up Saturday morning 100% not wanting to run the 5K I was signed up for. It wasn’t even until 10am and about 1 ½ miles from home yet when I woke at 6:30 all I could think was I do not feel like it. It took a solid 2+ hours to man up to do it (since I realized I had to get the mileage no matter what and was crunched for time). Ran there, 5 minutes before the race grabbed my bib and pinned it at the start, ran the race (27:32 – started off racing then realized umm maybe a glass of water or any food before would have been helpful - cramping up like a mother and eased off) then ran home. Mission accomplished.

After I quickly had to eat, shower and get ready to head to the city to plummet to my death aka start off bachelorette festivities with a trapeze class.

 

Some of the fantastic ladies

Spoiler alert – it.was.amazing. This speaks for itself! Do it. Seriously. Go to Chelsea Piers for an awesome afternoon. I cannot wait to go back.

Then it was time to get ready for the rest of the evening – a later dinner at Café Espanol (it was fantastic) which unfortunately went until almost midnight and I turned into a pumpkin and started to feel crappy and headed home.

Short shorts, city nights ;)

Enter waking up Sunday for the Newport Half Marathon that I was running as part of my long run. It was gross out. I looked at the humidity – 96%. COME. ON. Took every ounce of willpower I had to get out of bed. But I did. Scrambled to put myself together and then was off to get some mileage in before it began. Dripping with sweat by mile 2. Showed up once again 5 minutes before the start, pinned my bib and was off.

Luckily I was running this super slow at LR pace or else it would have been even more dreadful. Not enough water. No bathrooms until mile 6 with a mile long line (took 11 minutes!) and realized that all the fuel I had for the run was ½ a cliff bar. Way to practice race day scenarios, G!

My shoes were actually squeaking they were so sweaty from it dripping down my legs. You could wring me out! Finished the race (and bumped into a friend with a couple miles to go so had someone to chat with – again this week for the 20 I didn’t listen to any music!) then grabbed a bottled water and banana and then was off to finish up. Garmin died around 15/16 so estimated the rest by time to get to 20.

And just like that – LONG LONG RUNS DONE AND TIME TO TAPER!

I did a little recovery (by recover I mean shower and sat around in my towel eating twizzlers for a while) then went to watch some football and to dinner. But when my head finally hit the pillow Sunday night I was never happier.

Amazingly – I woke up and did an easy 5 today and could have gone (easy) forever. I guess that means I am in pretty good condition. Hopefully peaking at the right time for Chicago!

But seriously – I need a weekend for my weekend. 

What I've Been Up To Lately

I've been a bad bad blogger lately. 

Partially because my life has been pretty routine. And part because I don't really share too much of my personal life on here aka relationships which has taken up most of my free time outside of training. Gotta keep some things private right ;) 

So on the sharing front I've been holding back. But I am here and for the most part things are great! 

There was a crazy month of work - we had layoffs and while I was safe, I was also on the back end of things as far as knowing what was going on and planning for it all. One of the harder things that I have had to do professionally (side note - I do not work in HR and bless everyone who is in HR, it is TOUGH). 

Okay so lets see what HAVE I been up to exactly?

I have been base building and trying to get my running consistent. Especially important since this has happened:

After not getting into the NYCM through lottery (still considering running with TFK again). I threw my name into the Chicago Marathon - and got in. I figured, I couldn't NOT do it, so yup Marathon #4 coming at me in October. Which, is going to be an insane month I might add. First weekend one of my college BFF's is getting married, then the marathon and then a week after my running BFF is getting married - AND I am in her wedding. Hello to a packed October!! 

So for now my goal has been to hit 30 miles a week. I was signed up for more races after the NYC Half but only wound up running a couple of them. To be honest work had me beat by the weekend and I have been battling a non stop cold and exhaustion. So a couple times I woke up to less than stellar racing conditions and totally bailed. #sorrynotsorry I hate running in rain, wind and cold. 

I did however run a decent race yesterday (minus sucking at tangents) even though I could barely breathe so that made me happy. I am confident that come marathon time and fall running I am going to be ready to throw down on my PR's - if not sooner.

Newport 10K

I was covered with more snot than sweat by the end of the race. Who says running can't be sexy???

I am running another 10K this Saturday and a 4 miler Sunday - and am hoping to feel better and test some speed out better in both (although 10K will be in Central Park vs. Newport which was totally flat). And then on for what was one of my favorite races last year - Brooklyn Half Marathon!!! woo woo!!!

Minus 7:00am start time. Hello to 4am wake up.

After the NYC Half I was thinking there was a chance of PR'ing this but honestly with how work went and umm perhaps a little too much happy hour'ing I am pretty positive my body is not ready for it. But I am hoping to run a sub 2 at least. Time will tell but I am not putting pressure on myself at all. I have not been doing focused training.

Let's see what else. There has still been a lot of time spent at one of my favorites, Body Pump!!!

Stacks of weights are my favorite. As is squatting more than the men.

There has also been a lot of seeing my picture posted with TFK for the NYCM. Can't say I don't enjoy it. Must have been the bow ;)

#famous - or something like that

And then of course, it is FINALLY SEEMING LIKE SPRING. I am ready to be off the treadmill a lot more and on the streets. Yes, I like the treadmill. Yes I do double digit runs on it when the outdoor conditions are not to my specific liking. But the return of these views = sayonara treadmill and hello river runs.

Holla NYC.

Tomorrow I am kicking off an Advocare 24 day challenge - thank you to Becky for reaching out to me to join in. I am super excited to use this as a kick off for marathon training (and umm beach body mission because yes I am vain and no I am not ready for bikini season and am headed to Miami for MDW).

But more on that to come tomorrow! (what what two posts in two days - I know believe it when it happens). For now I must decide if I have either one final adult beverage or coffee before giving both up throughout the challenge. 

Decisions, decisions. 

NYC Half: Race Recap

2:06:08 Final official time. 

So remember that part where I was just running the NYC Half for the experience and a test of fitness…well I should know myself better. After seeing my splits and where it all went wrong I am definitely a LITTLE pissy that I didn’t treat it like a normal race. And happy that I maybe am almost warmed up again. I like racing in the cold but seriously THAT WAS COLD. I was genuinely concerned during the race if I would ever feel my fingers again (luckily around mile 4 I started to get some sensation...).

Long story short, I thought I would be lucky to be running in the mid to high 9’s – turns out after downloading my splits that I am in better shape than I thought as I was banging out miles in the 8’s – when I wasn’t stopped in the bathroom.

4, count them 4 stops throughout the race.

It all started with eating some stuff the day before that really isn’t ever easy on the stomach. However in my defense, I actually haven’t really had many runs with stomach issues. Race morning getting through security took a while so there was no time to use the bathrooms before jumping into corrals. I started the race acknowledging that yes I would have to stop shortly after, which I was okay with – and I did right before Harlem Hill and lost at least 2 -3 minutes there.

What I didn’t anticipate was then having to stop 3 more times, urgently. That was frustrating and in all lost a ton of time.

My splits speak for themselves. I was capable of a lot more than I gave myself credit. 

I'm not going to do a mile per mile break down but basically I wanted to start out conversational, super easy to tackle the hills of Central Park - which I hadn't run since the NYCM in November. The whole time I felt like I was just cruising. As planned I felt good so consciously upped the pace a tad around mile 6. I was feeling good, and coming out of the park was just energetic! Now I think pace wise where I had the biggest problem was around 9 or so. I was feeling light headed. I ate a tiny bit of banana and bagel prior to the race and a little water. I was dehydrated completely and had no fuel in me. I tried anyway to walk through a water station and take in some Gu and water but that set my stomach churning yet again. The remainder of the race was a struggle between my legs wanting to go and my stomach issues and light headedness holding me back. This was a total lack of fuel and lack of being prepared situation. 

I have been a slave to the treadmill all winter and figured getting to the streets would be a lot harder (side note: totally attributing the 3 weekly body pump classes I do religiously to being able to run better than I thought - strength training FTW!). Kind of unfortunate but I learned an important lesson, always be prepared. I have of course had PLENTY of races where I did everything right and still had bathroom stops but I would rather know that I didn’t sabotage myself.

Other than that…I LOVE THIS RACE. Holy shit. I just can’t stop smiling thinking about it. I loved the course, loved running through the city and loved getting out of the park! Running down 7^th, through Times Square…just awesome.

So I am thinking redemption and a true test. I signed up for an NYC Runs race on March 29^th that I plan to maybe take a rest day and maybe focus on trying to do well in. Not PR but see for real where I am at. I think if  things fall into place that Brooklyn could then be a PR course.

So that is where my head is at now. I know that I am ready because I smiled through my shakeout this morning of a few miles, and wasn't sore go figure (that might catch up to me though). I don’t want to put a ton of pressure on myself either but I do think it isn’t the worst thing to have some goals. So for now – try and sub 2 in a couple weeks and then have 2 months to work towards a PR. We shall see. Just want to keep enjoying the run. 

So About That Half Marathon on Sunday...

I'm not ready for this: 

Or at least not the ready that I would be to actually run this as anything more than just a "still building my fitness run". 

After being locked out every year I applied, I finally got in this year (in the SECOND round of lottery picks) and am not throwing away the opportunity to run this course regardless of how prepared I am feeling.

But I've topped out at 10.5 miles last week. 

And am kind of not resting at all this week. And really don't intend to tomorrow. 

I plan on body pump and a short run (but cutting out my usual Flywheel class) and plan on a rest day Monday most likely. I'm in training mode at the moment, not race mode.

As I am going into this knowing I will not go anywhere near my PR nor probably even sub 2 (hello Central Park and my winter love affair with the treadmill not ready to tackle Cat Hill and Harlem Hill in a respectable manner!) I am out to just make it through a steady race without wanting to kill myself by the end. 

I figure start conservative and if towards the last few I feel good pick if up. That's the only plan. If I can negative split the race that would be great. But this is a course to be enjoyed just like the NYCM was for me. I knew fitness wise I was not running stellar then (oh and also that 100 degree fever didn't help) due to being prepared to race on a more flat course. These are races for me that you run because why would you not?

Goal = not wanting to kill myself by mile 13 and to then #DrinkAllTheAlcohol and #EatAllTheFood. 

So here is to a fun Sunday (and seriously whyyyy can it not be a WARMER forecast) and to FINALLY running this race!

Good luck to all out there running on Sunday! 

#INGNYCM 2013

Well I officially just booked a car to get me to the TFK bus so 12 hours from now it will all be happening. 

A couple thoughts:

I feel like straight up crap. I want stay in bed forever right now. 

I am excited and scared at the same time. I haven't run more than 16 in a couple months. 

But running has started to feel normal again minus that whole cold thing I have going on right now. Lungs burn running at the moment. 

I have a goal but for the first time I just don't feel like talking about it. Enjoyment is first goals are second this time around. 

And with that I am just going to leave you with a million pictures. 

To everyone out there running tomorrow GOOD LUCK!!!! 

We run this city!!

And feel free to stalk me: bib 34780

And let me know where to find you spectating on the course!!

Everywhere. You cannot escape this marathon. 

Expo! And too much money spent. 

Dash to the Finish 5K - shakeout 

Only about 10,000 people showed up

Running 42nd Street? Priceless. 

I spy mile 25! And realize that mile might simultaneously suck and be awesome. 

FINISH!!! See you again soon!

And next time you will read 26.2 or knowing me and tangents...26.5

Hartford Marathon: First DNF

First off I need to start this by saying just how awesome my friends and the running community are; I have never felt more supported in one of the hardest decisions I have had to make.

Now to get down to business. (and grab a drink and snack this is epically long - sorry).

ING Hartford Marathon.

Big. Fat. DNF.

Hi. That was NOT in the plan. Remember that sub 4 or bust plan? What happened to that, that sounded like a lot more fun.

Being in that moment still makes me emotional. There have been a lot of tears. Not in thinking I made the wrong choice rather frustration, anger and disappointment. My body failed me. I trained 17 weeks for this specific moment with a specific goal and within minutes knew it was not happening.

Let's bring it back to the beginning.

The past couple weeks, I have been SO careful. Set myself up for success.

I have done ALL the stretching.

Slept ALL the hours.

Drank ALL the water.

Eaten ALL the things that will not upset my stomach. (seriously, if I see turkey sandwiches and grilled chicken salads again in the near future I might punch someone).

All the things I know can be my downfall but wanted to leave nothing to chance come race day.

I went into work for a couple hours on Friday before heading up to Hartford. I was rested and relaxed. I got to town around 3pm and headed to the expo real quick before checking into my hotel.

I was in the hotel, stretching out and chilling and had a plain dinner of some grilled chicken and pasta before getting into bed before the sun had even set.

No nerves. I had been visualizing for days running a calm strong race. Envisioning seeing 3:5x at the finish line.

I had never felt so absolutely prepared for something in my life.

I slept like a baby Friday night. I do NOT sleep through the night. Minus waking one time and sleepwalking for the bathroom I was out like a light.

Race morning. Wake up with plenty of time to get moving enough so that I can walk out the door with my stomach feeling "settled" and confident that it will be okay.

Had my breakfast. Lubed up to avoid chafing and was out the door only 3 minutes later than I had wanted.

I got down to Bushnell Park right before 7, hit the bathroom line one last time before heading out to warm up a little bit and find the pace group.

My plan was to start out with the 4:00 pace leader and stick with him to ensure I didn't go out with a bang and paced evenly (which was his plan).

Warmed up and was lined up around 7:35 in the corral. Perhaps my downfall that I cooled down. But who knows.

Was super calm, still not nervous. EXCITED. Not nervous. I was ready to rock.

Trusted in my training.

I did get a little emotional during the National Anthem and Invocation (seriously, longest, but greatest invocation). But that is just me I can be a big mush some times.

The next thing we knew, it was the wheel chair start and then we were off!

Oy. The beginning was super congested. I was focused on keeping near the 4:00 pacer.

I briefly looked down and saw we were a good 40-50 seconds under pace but figured that would even out.

My legs felt completely dead. There was nothing refreshed about them. Was just hoping that they would warm up.

Then shortly after the start we were on an uphill (stupid overpasses) as we were going up I felt my calf start to tighten. I ignored it and concentrated on keeping in pace with the group.

We kept going and things kept going downhill. I briefly stopped for just a moment looked down and could see the muscle in my calf spasm. Kept going praying this would stop, that I would feel better and could enjoy some miles before shit was supposed to get hard (because you know this was more like 20 mile kind of pain not mile 2 kind of pain).

Spoiler alert, it didn't. Another uphill and more pain.

I grabbed some water briefly walking and started back up and we were right around mile 3 and I knew it was decision time. DNF started to float around my brain.

Pretty sure this was the point when I started crying while still running and calling all my smart running friends and trainers for advice. But I knew I didn't need it I knew I was done. I knew I was walking off.

Eventually I walked to the side of the course hyperventilating and sobbing.

MAJOR thank you to the course support, friendly runners and spectators that rushed to my aide as I blubbered that yes I was okay but I was cramped up and quitting. But how the hell did I get back to downtown Hartford? I then called my parents barely able to speak as my Dad basically talked me down about how stupid I would be to push through.

I then called my BFF running buddy Tara and she was kind enough to deal with my tears and crying and anger and be my sounding board as I talked it out.

I was also happy to encounter a lovely girl running her first marathon - she crouched down and was feeling faint and I helped her fuel and kept her company for a few miles before I couldn't stand to be on the course any more. It took my mind off of things and was nice to help someone on their first journey.

Meager splits: 8:38, 8:30, 9:00, 8:43

Turned off Garmin at 3.6 officially went off the course at Mile 6ish.

That walk through the finish area, still crying, in pain and pride tattered was not one of my most favorite running moments. It took me the better part of an hour of walking to navigate my way through the road closures and crowds back to my hotel where the only thing I wanted to do was stretch, take a hot shower and get the hell out of dodge.

I am not saying this to diminish the accomplishment of the marathon - but this day was the culmination of 17 weeks of focused training. I began the training with sub 4 hours at Hartford the end goal. I had no interest in collecting a medal and just finishing. I would have probably just thrown the medal in the river.

I could have continued on. Slowed down. Perhaps run my slowest marathon to date. I was not interested in that. As soon as I realized what was going on with my body I knew that if I wanted to not jeopardize the remainder of my fall racing that I should not just run the 26.2 just for the hell of it. I don't need to prove that I can finish it. I know I can finish a marathon when it sucks. Heck I know I can finish an Ultra. This was about being smart and knowing I want to set myself up for the best chance to race again.

I have not a single ounce of regret after having slept on it. Minus the fact that I had to get out there and do a long run this morning. Le sigh. Back into training.

Obviously I have to reassess. My fall was based around Hartford as my go big or go home, the rest just have fun. (and yes I am coming to grips that my form of "fun" is quite sadistic)

Originally I figured I would go for it at NYCM. Now I am thinking more of running my heart out in NYCM but making my goal marathon at Palm Beaches December 8th. Pancake flat and not a big marathon so no crowding. Obviously after running Miami in January I know weather can be a factor; but that is what I am leaning towards at the moment. Clearly awaiting coaches official thoughts as I bombard her with texts :)

I am super excited for NYCM - to just be a part of it, and to be a part of it having raised money for Team for Kids, now that is about more than just ME.

The end of the day. This is just a hobby. Do I love training and challenging myself and striving towards goals? Absolutely. Do I sometimes get a little wrapped up and consumed? Totally guilty type A in that respect. But I can step back and know that this is supposed to be FUN for me as well. Shouldn't cause me more stress. Maybe I need to stop taking myself quite so seriously. Not to say that there was not every reason to be emotional or upset about the DNF but such is life.

I didn't fail. It just wasn't my day yesterday.

If you are still with me at this point, THANK YOU. Thank you for all the kind words and support. Every person that wished me well and then cheered me up brought on fresh tears of happiness and gratitude. It meant the world. (The next time I am crying at a race better be with a massive PR. Just saying.)

And seriously has anyone had a great marathon at Hartford??? Yesterday two buddies told me that they DNF'd last year and for most everyone else they have had a crappy time there. Note to self: more research before choosing goal race (this was chosen in the spring based on timing and location).

And to everyone that rocked the marathon world this weekend, CONGRATS! All inspirational. I will be back November 3rd.

Fall Race Schedule

So by now if you have been following me, it is quite obvious that I am in training for the ING Hartford Marathon. Since you know, that is all I have actually posted about for a while now.

Sorry about that and the blog boredom.

But, I thought that I would enlighten about what I have planned thus far for the rest of the fall!

I had planned on integrating some races into the last few weeks of my lead up to Hartford but, unfortunately my marathon is on a Saturday and those races are all on Sundays. I have been doing some long runs on Sundays lately but as of the last one am trying to do them on race day so that I am "practicing" for the actual race scenario.

I am taking off of work the day before the race to head up to Hartford and pick up my packet and such and oh you know to REST, but am training my body for the long run on Saturday.

So, it is looking like my first race of fall will be the marathon! Here we have most of the "major" stuff on the schedule:

10/12 - ING Hartford Marathon

10/26 - Miami Halloween Half Marathon

11/3 - NYC Marathon (!!!!)

12/8 - Palm Beaches Marathon

Yup.

That has all happened.

I knew that in the back of my head I would want to run NYCM because, well, like EVERYONE is.

Did I mention the reason I ran a full in the first place in January after months of swearing against it was due to NYCM training jealousy? Ha. What is wrong with me. Now this year I have managed 2 fulls and an Ultra and have put 3 marathons on my schedule for fall.

I am also doing NYC for Team for Kids. Last year I did 12 + 1 for NYRR but my membership wasn't valid until March 2013 and they WOULD NOT BUDGE on letting me in. #beyondirritated especially since qualifying for 2014 with 9 + 1 - you don't have to be a member until December 2013. But, whatever. I think it is about time to do what I love for a good cause anyway. Right?

I ran the Halloween Half in Miami last year with my sister (as Angry Birds FTW) and it was amazeballs. Probably one of the most fun races I have run. Even though I was crippled with severe stomach issues, and we missed the official start so our times were several minutes off. But one of the best races ever. I can't wait.

Then, I thought I would round it out with another Marathon and trip to Florida. How convenient that there was one for the weekend I was looking at!

Forget the fact that after ING Miami I swore I would never run another full in Florida. I say things like that a lot and don't REALLY mean them.

Plus my sister is probably going to run the FULL as well!!!! As her first full. I mean, perfection.

Then there will be random NYRR races like Ted Corbitt and such to round out my 9 + 1 just for the hell of it.

Clearly, that is a hefty race schedule.

I am only planning Hartford as a time goal race. If I hit sub 4 for this one I do...but if I don't I don't really have illusions that I can race full out another marathon that soon.

I am running a half the weekend prior to NYCM less than a month out from the previous full...it will be for fun and the shear experience.

Same for Palm Beaches...more of an excuse to get away than a goal race of any sort.

And there it is. Just in case anyone was confused by my lack of racing this summer...I will more than make up for it from October to December!!!

...and mind you I keep even asking myself how much I really enjoy marathons. I definitely can admit I am a little bit warped in what I set myself up for.