Obligatory End of Year Post

Probably sounds like a broken records since everyone is saying it by now, but where did the year go?!

I seriously feel like it was just yesterday that I rang in 2014 and was getting ready for SOTU (State of the Union - big beginning of year deal in the news world!) oh and my birthday since they fell on the same day last year!

The end of this year has been kind of crazy. 

I'm in the middle of dealing with doctors and procedures and all that jazz trying to get some sort of diagnosis on my GI issues (minor update as I still await biopsy results - the first med I am on has helped like, tremendously, thank god.)

I finished NYCM with a stress fracture and tendinitis and had my first boot experience. I hated it. 

Found out I was having my rent hiked by almost 50% per month and high tailed my ass out of Hoboken and to Queens! I want to give an update on all that but still putting together my new place. It is SO BIG. and SO empty still. So much space to decorate (I know such a problem, but it is, for my wallet!). But it's been 2 weeks and I LOVE my new town. 

At work it is kind of turmoil. I mean it usually is total craziness but the head of my department basically left unannounced and there are 5,000 changes happening right now so umm, happy holidays? enjoy no time off basically lol. 

On the upside I have begun running again!

On the downside - I am sorry all the cross training in the world does not keep you in running form. It is hard and I am slow as a snail. But I am running! And returning smartly. 

Running wise I wanted to enjoy this year. I mostly did. I ran what I wanted. I didn't necessarily have any stellar performances but I was not setting myself up to. I thought I could possibly PR the marathon but then Chicago was spent in every bathroom every mile, and the conditions on race day for NYCM took that thought before the start line. I am satisfied how it went. 

I must be real and realize that I am AT LEAST 8 pounds over my race weight when I was PR'ing the crap in every distance every other weekend 2 years back plus haven't put in the strength training I did back then. Plus all the stomach issues. I'm not there. I plan on working to actually get back down to a better weight and all that jazz. I just haven't felt like it but now my jeans want me to. 

I'm just kind of rambling but basically - 2014 has been pretty good to me. 

Professionally I grew a lot and had a lot of positive changes in my personal life. I feel like I GREW UP a lot this year and that is a good feeling. Running wise and physically - kind of stagnant. But running will always be there I just didn't have the heart to train HARD. I just put in what I wanted/needed in order to get through the races. 

I have thoughts on how I am setting up 2015 but one thing I know: I WILL NOT run a marathon. 

If I sign up for one someone punch me. Unless I have a massive PR in the half in spring that is not my goal (and in 3 months I will not be running in the low 1:50's to get that I guarantee).

So happy new year all! Hope the holidays have treated you well and you ring in the new year with the ones you love! 

It's Not All in My Head

Finally starting to get some answers. I swear I feel like finding a doctor who will listen, seems genuinely invested in figuring out a diagnosis and is not dismissive or medication happy is more than half the battle. 

As much as one does not WANT to have a colonoscopy, I was excited that he wanted one immediately. 

I was scaring the crap (lol) out of myself reading horrors of prep. Minus the fact that the drink has scarred me of anything grape flavored and maybe curbed my salt cravings for a while; let’s just say it was not anything like some of my worst days are. And fasting was surprisingly easy (once I left work that is). 

I waited for an eternity for my appointment. I had arrived the requisite 45 minutes prior for intake and then was finally taken back an hour and a half past my scheduled appointment time. From there it was a breeze as I was soon prepped, put under anesthesia and waking up in recovery. Best nap ever. 

A few minutes after I woke he came back to talk to me. 

And as I suspected, there is a lot going on: proctitis (a lot of inflammation and why I am constantly running to the bathroom), a large polyp they removed (and he said count my lucky stars I needed this at 33 because that is not something you want hanging out until you are 50) and a lot of long ulcers in my colon which could be indicative of Crohn's disease. 

Of course he refused to diagnose anything on the spot – awaiting biopsy, and blood results still. 

He said Crohn’s and my heart kind of stopped for a minute. I know something is wrong and on one hand I feel validated for the findings that they illustrate definitively how awful I have been feeling. But, I selfishly do not want to have to deal with a lifetime of keeping something under control. 

I got home cried for a few minutes and then pulled it together and won't dwell until I see him again and he makes an official diagnosis. 

I know that this is not the end of the world, and I do want answers as well as a course of treatment to help better what I have been going through.

So that is where I am at for now.

Time will tell but for now feel one step significantly closer to finding out what is really wrong. 

GI Health Updates

If there was ever a week I was ready to have end it is this week!

Started out with a move Monday that was more painful than it needed to be (and reminded me why I hadn’t moved in several years) but that is for another day – I will share some of the new apartment as it is coming together!

Tuesday I had an appointment with GI doctor number 3.

And I am thinking third time is a charm. I didn’t like the first two AT ALL. I walked away thinking they had no interest in helping me find out what was going on and were prescription happy vs. diagnosis.

My new doctor listened to it all. Spent a solid half hour with me. Everything I have been going through for the past few years. And HE was concerned about my quality of life and how I have just been dealing with it and have learned how to work around it. And anxious to help figure out what is going on. I told him my primary doc was thinking IBD and of course he said for my sake he hoped that it wasn’t since that lives with you forever.

My opinion – honestly I just want to KNOW. If it is then we deal with it. If it isn’t I hope we just get to the bottom of it.

So what does this mean?

Well of course he sucked my blood out while I was there. He told me to stop the whole gluten free thing if it was making me feel worse (and is testing for celiac although he doesn’t think that is anything to do with it – I was abstaining from gluten for only a short period of time prior so hoping that the test doesn’t lose validity).

And what I was waiting for – the joys of a colonoscopy.

Tomorrow.

So I am now in the fasting portion of it all. And definitely cannot wait to start the prep (sarcasm in case you are wondering).

I actually really don’t care or mind. Considering how awful things have been I actually kind of can’t wait. I am feeling like I am one step closer to a diagnosis.

So here’s hoping that my Christmas gift is figuring out what the hell is going on with me! 

One Week Down: Gluten & Dairy Free

For starters: seriously anyone that willingly goes gluten & dairy free without medical necessity is bonkers.

Because, pizza. Sandwiches. Bacon egg and cheeses. Cupcakes. Ramen. BEER.

The list goes on.

Now I know that there are gluten free and dairy substitutions but especially with my carb fav’s I am not trying to eat crap that is made gluten free – because a lot of it is just that, crap. And devoid of nutrition.

The dairy thing I am better with because I had been trying for a long time to limit it.

So let’s see, I am now a week in and I think the main thing is that I am eating better. If for nothing else this has aided me in stopping my boredom binge eating because well, the things that I would mindlessly eat aren’t permitted anymore.

I’ve dropped a couple pounds which is a plus because I have some extra that I am in need of shedding (or errrr like 10 pounds that really need to go).

As far as feeling any improvement with my GI issues. Not going to lie, it is worse. Probably times 5. Most likely because I am in veggie overdrive and the extra fiber is wreaking havoc but it’s been pretty painful and not fun.

It has also really only been a week this is a process that will take time.

I really am more just being a brat about some stuff. It is the convenience that is more of a hassle. I learned the hard way traveling needs to be done with your own food there won’t be too much at the airports. Also I’m in the process of moving and it is harder to find quick grab and go options. But it is what it is. Need to plan and be prepared.

On the plus obviously lots more fruits and veggies. I discovered quinoa pasta and am a fan – totally filled my wanting #allthecarbs fix post workout Saturday. And even though my stomach FEELS like hell – I am way less bloated.

I foresee this helping me clean up my diet and be more cognizant of what I am eating. I have a problem with binge eating and take away those things that trigger it and the problem starts to disappear as does the urge.

I would like to hear from others for any good bloggers/websites for gluten/dairy free. Favorite recipes, restaurants etc. open to it all! 

Just 2 months and 3 weeks to see if any of this helps clear things up. 

Le sigh. 

A Week of Highs and Lows

Boy was this past week an emotional rollercoaster! It is amazing how many highs I hit followed by some lows. The good news is that the good stuff severely outweighs the "bad" (and really not that BAD) and I am in pretty high spirits.


So let's discuss this jam packed week.


The good:

• Dinner with the President of my company - I was so thrilled to get these few hours of time with her. She is pretty amazing and extremely open. The only thing she asked of us she invited (there were 4) was that we be open and honest. Done and done.
• Annual review (actually FIRST review since I have been there - and I started March 2013) which couldn't have gone any better. Management gave me a glowing review and we talked about the direction I am going to go professionally the next couple of years and basically, good things are going to come. Happy because I have worked my tail off and it is recognized.
• I SIGNED MY LEASE - and am moving from Jersey to Queens! SO EXCITED. There was a super stressful 24 hours after applying fretting I wouldn't get approved and would be homeless (lol) but got accepted to all apartments I applied for so had my choice of what I wanted. (sorry to anyone who I snapped at during that 24 hour period, my bad).
• I will group this in: I am heading to Florida for Thanksgiving and a week with my family. I am so so so ready for a little getaway and warm weather. I am over winter and it hasn't even begun yet.

The bad:

• As stated in my previous post, I have to go gluten and dairy free for 3 months. My initial reaction: make the cheesiest pasta I could for dinner. Mature, I know. December 1st it's on.

• Decide with marathon #3 on the horizon next week to go to the podiatrist because my foot has hurt for a while now. Diagnosis: stress fracture - that is weeks old since it showed on an x-ray and a potential new one. Also tendinitis. Let's just say I am not running 26.2 on 11/30. Bummed but I've known something was wrong for a while. I prefer to tough things out but my gut told me to not run this marathon and get an opinion. So I've gained a lovely new fashionable boot. At least it is keeping my foot warm, right?

It really was a rollercoaster of emotions this week but I have to say I am so so so happy about the move that everything else is...just whatever. I have been wanting to move from Hoboken, and into my own place for a LONG time now (I've been in the same apartment since 2007 and have roommates) I am desperate to be on my own. I have a ginormous new place - and will be moved in just in time for the holidays!

And I think with the boot on and all that I can safely say I am a little over marathons at the moment. I am happy to step away and look at other goals. I am not happy with my body so am going to be hitting the weights/barre/yoga a lot more (and am cleared for all that with the foot, just no running or crazy jumping etc.) but that is all for another post.

In the words of Olaf: All good things!

I Knew This Was Coming

If you have read any of my posts, follow me on Twitter or Instagram or we are Facebook friends then you at some point have undoubtedly read about my “bathroom woes”.

Long ago I went to a doctor who was super unhelpful and didn’t make any sort of diagnosis.

I’ve continued to go through cycles of torture for the past 3 years or so. Months of being fine followed by months of being in pain and having my quality of life drastically effected (as in must know where ALL the bathrooms are at all times).

Basically this go ‘round started up again the first week of October and has been awful since. This is what I am dealing with (might be TMI but well kind of too late for that!): either constipation or diarrhea, lots of blood, constant bloating and gassiness and always feeling like I have to go. I haven’t been “normal” in the bathroom since the weekend prior to Chicago. It sucks. A lot.

After that dreadful Chicago I made an appointment but work and life kept getting in the way and I kept rescheduling until I finally forced myself to go last night.

I then got quite the stern lecture. I know what is happening is not normal, I mean hello blood all the time, but how many people want to have intimate conversations regarding their gut and going to the bathroom? (okay can’t lie I am very open with my sisters about it but you know, SISTERS).

So she is sending me on my merry way to a new GI doctor and I know I am in for a colonoscopy (does the fun ever end?) and she said most definitely an IBS or IBD diagnosis (which I have suspected for a long time).

We talked about what could be done in the meantime – since most likely post diagnosis they will start me on some sort of drug regime – which leads me to what I knew was coming and avoiding – trying out going gluten free and dairy free for a minimum of 3 months and taking probiotic (align).

I have always maintained that gluten has no issue with me. But then again I have never avoided it. Because, HELLO all the good foods and I know I don’t have an allergy so I thought being gluten free was silly.

But it is time to embrace it. See if it helps. So as of December 1^st (sorry I plan on enjoying Thanksgiving with my family in Florida and have a marathon 11/30 and will eat what I normally do prior #allthegluten) I will go on the gluten/dairy free bandwagon.

I do think I am sensitive to dairy and do avoid it a lot but this time, all in. Sigh.

But first I shall go on a pasta and pizza eating, beer drinking, ice cream consuming binge (and yes I know there are gluten and dairy free versions of EVERYTHING but it is like my last supper – or just an excuse to be a glutten).

And I will definitely be soliciting advice of those who are knowledgeable. I know this isn’t the end of the world but still sad pants.

But the good news is if it doesn’t make me feel any better I can jump right back on the gluten train…March 1^st. 

NYCM 2014

Another NYCM in the books!

If you couldn't tell I was a little bit doom and gloom about this marathon. Due cause, Chicago was a nightmare, and too recent to not have on my mind. I would get twinges of excitement then think a couple weeks back and cringe.

I was going in with zero expectations. My stomach was a mess still and I was out of ideas of what to do, and won’t be going to the doc until next week for the real testing to begin. All I could do was to eat as plain as possible and cross my fingers and hope for the best.

I spent Saturday relaxing as much as possible and thanking our lucky stars that it wasn't the weather for Sunday. But then was seeing the forecast for the winds…but at least no rain, right?

Enter Sunday morning. Wake up to find out that there won’t be heated tents anymore in the Start Village with Team for Kids. Not amused.

Pre race selfie, obvi.

I had for once gotten everything ready to go the night before so getting out the door at 5 was a breeze. I couldn't “go” but my stomach felt okay. Ate my first plain roll on the way to the city. Then got on the TFK buses and was on my way to SI – I miraculously slept the whole way!

The second we stepped off the bus though, brrrr. That is all I can say. It was 7:15 and with a 10:05 start I was scared to wait around.

I spent some time with the TFK team ate another roll and then went to meet my running bff Tara who was in the same wave, same color, same corral as me. Talk about luck! We spent some time huddling to stay warm until without ceremony we heard the canons and were off! Kind of. Not without a few photos first!

I couldn't feel my feet and the wind on the Verrazano was so awful it wasn't hard to make sure you didn't go out too fast. As I was trying to make sure I didn't get blown off my friend Barbara came running up behind, love in a race so big you can find one another. 

Tara took off after about mile 1 and Barbara and I stuck together. My legs were not feeling loose at all and maintaining a slow cautious pace wasn't too difficult. Quite frankly even a slow pace seemed like too much effort. I started guesstimating finish times but knew it would not be under 4:30 and really didn't think too long and hard about it. 

We stuck together chatting and enjoying the crowds. So much love right from the start, the crowds make you feel like a rock star. DO NOT run NYCM without your name on your shirt. Seriously. People cheer you on like they are your family out there start to finish. 

Mile 5 I had to peel away for the bathroom. I was fine not hurting, but finally had to go (hadn't all morning but nothing like a few miles to get things moving) this stop maybe took 2.5 minutes even waiting in line. Spoiler alert that would be my ONLY stop for the bathroom all day! (Edit never mind I remembered I stopped after the Queensboro Bridge real quick to pee)

I was playing it pretty safe, I was walking through most water stops drinking a little and keeping cautious with how fast I was running. I would go through spurts where I would feel amazing and then equally like ughhh running isn't fun. I wasn't trying to be a rockstar out there so pushing it was not on the agenda.

I was focusing on when I would see people and started to be on the lookout. I saw Leticia at mile 8 and was such a boost. Then I was focused on #Mile14 and seeing the peeps from November Project. A nice infusion of energy as I prepared for the Queensboro Bridge. 

Going onto the bridge I was just trying to maintain slow and steady and not run too hard of an effort. But man did the bridge feel eternal. (and seriously the whole time I kept thinking - was it this HARD last year - meaning the whole course in general). Also I felt my left calf starting to strain but really low so was concerned it was my achilles. I tried to stretch it out but realized stopping and starting hurt. I got in my head a little bit at this point. Luckily 1st Ave gives you a LOT of distraction and I also knew to be on the lookout for a bunch of people. 

I should mention I had been deathly afraid to fuel so was STARVING by now and this is 100% the reason for the god awful brutally debilitating cramping that would ensue the rest of the race. When they were giving out the gels I figured if my stomach was okay for now I would go ahead and eat one. Then saw the magical med tent and decided to stop. 

Those people are magic. I got salt packets and salt water and calf stretching and massage. Just touching my calf was so painful. He told me to just be careful and several minutes later I was on my way. This is the point where I am in love with the crowds even more. I really really wanted to walk but was pushed to continue on. Slow as shit but continue nonetheless. I was still walking through water and basically starting to eat any and everything that was given out. Then as I was heading through the Bronx the right calf starts to cramp up which led me to hitting another med tent at mile 22. More salt, salt water, asprin and massage before I was off again. Both stops were worth the relief. 

I knew a bunch of people would be along 5th and in the park so I was just trying to keep busy looking for them and finally saw Beth and pretty sure I asked if I could just stop running at that point, haha!

As I made the turn into the park tears came to my eyes. A mixture of knowing I was on my way to the finish as well as just being overwhelmed by the day. I am not the most emotional person in the world darn these marathons really get me! I love the running community. 

I saw my friend Mike or rather heard him and then just focused on getting to the finish. I was on a mission to finish in under 5. I had done the calculations with about 10K to go (which took so long because long runs + math = impossible) and knew I would have to keep at it. Basically was just telling myself one foot in front of the other over and over. When I saw the 800 meter sign I knew it would be close. I was totally hurting at this point but oh so determined. When I got in the park I knew I had it and was just trying to go as fast as possible (totally not fast at all) to the finish. 

And then FINISH! 4:59:07 

And boy did I fight to that finish. I thought on a good day 4:30 was possible (4:29 last year) but the winds made it a whole new ballgame. 

After the 5:34 disaster at Chicago. Under perfect weather conditions on a flat and fast course this proves to me I was due for such a better day there. 

My garmin was totally off I lost a half mile on the bridge somewhere but from the online tracking can see the stops and such. But honestly NYC is tough. A few weeks after Chicago and I was hurting. I was riding the pain train hard for the last 10 miles or so. I never really hit a wall but I was in a world of pain. 

I may not have had a good race and may have hurt, but damn it I love NYC! (although seriously break my leg if I try to run it again next year).

2 fall marathons down and 1 more to go. Sigh.