It's Not All in My Head

Finally starting to get some answers. I swear I feel like finding a doctor who will listen, seems genuinely invested in figuring out a diagnosis and is not dismissive or medication happy is more than half the battle. 

As much as one does not WANT to have a colonoscopy, I was excited that he wanted one immediately. 

I was scaring the crap (lol) out of myself reading horrors of prep. Minus the fact that the drink has scarred me of anything grape flavored and maybe curbed my salt cravings for a while; let’s just say it was not anything like some of my worst days are. And fasting was surprisingly easy (once I left work that is). 

I waited for an eternity for my appointment. I had arrived the requisite 45 minutes prior for intake and then was finally taken back an hour and a half past my scheduled appointment time. From there it was a breeze as I was soon prepped, put under anesthesia and waking up in recovery. Best nap ever. 

A few minutes after I woke he came back to talk to me. 

And as I suspected, there is a lot going on: proctitis (a lot of inflammation and why I am constantly running to the bathroom), a large polyp they removed (and he said count my lucky stars I needed this at 33 because that is not something you want hanging out until you are 50) and a lot of long ulcers in my colon which could be indicative of Crohn's disease. 

Of course he refused to diagnose anything on the spot – awaiting biopsy, and blood results still. 

He said Crohn’s and my heart kind of stopped for a minute. I know something is wrong and on one hand I feel validated for the findings that they illustrate definitively how awful I have been feeling. But, I selfishly do not want to have to deal with a lifetime of keeping something under control. 

I got home cried for a few minutes and then pulled it together and won't dwell until I see him again and he makes an official diagnosis. 

I know that this is not the end of the world, and I do want answers as well as a course of treatment to help better what I have been going through.

So that is where I am at for now.

Time will tell but for now feel one step significantly closer to finding out what is really wrong.